Renegade IS

Renegade Is

Click the download arrow at the top right corner, enter an email address & any or all of the first 6 songs are yours.  That’s half of the Renegade album!

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Click here to read the FULL Renegade Story

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photo: jsenftphotography

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From Renegade Writings

Not Fragile  –  Sleeper  –  Creepin’

You Will Know  –  Some Times  –  My Sister Had a Boyfriend  –  Taking Back Time

Chrysalis  –  The Truth Business 101  –  Tempered

Carpe Diem  –  Ground Zero  –  Reason  –  Just Be You  –  Blind Girl

Waiting

Advice  –  Leak  –  It Takes  –  Ice Land  –  It’s Gonna Be Like…

Tired Hands, Shaky Legs  –  Deflated  –  If Only  –  Without Chains  –  How To Move

It’s Here  –  Where the Pressure Lies  –  Fundamental  –  The Meaning of This

Keep Moving  –  Dying Trees  –  Not Always  –  Redefining Fitness

You Might Be Now  –  Uninvited  –  The Oracle

The Core II  –  Reaping Day  –  Enough Becoming  –  Proper Handwashing Technique

In Search of the “Next Right Thing”  –  The Great Calm  –  Untitled

A New End

How It’s Done  –  Touch  –  The Source  –  Back Drop

The Way Things Are  –  Back to the Earth  –  Bare  –  Button Pusher  –  Slow Slow  –  Bitten

Soon  –  A Terrible Mess  –  A Yinless Yang  –  Deep Claws

Floor  –  Love Is  –  Awake in the Dark  –  Aligning

Plain  –  Next Disconnect  –  Creative Conditioning  –  You are not a victim unless…

Possibilities  –  At Risk Animals  –  Alive and Well and On Fire  –  Viking

Last Year’s Leaves  –  When You Love  –  Resting Places for Voices and Tongues

Proactive Suffocation  –  Perspective Waits  –  Mutual Movement

Not Complicated or Easy  –  Rabbit Hole

Bones  –  Leave  –  Magnet  –  Mindful Matter

Chalking it Up

The “Let Me Be” Song

I began writing this song in my car.

I took a drive one day to reflect on and escape the frustration of the many people in my life who insisted I be someone other than myself.  It all started after I lost my Dad… when I no longer had time, energy or ability to worry about whose approval I had or did not.  Those who had anticipated or even expected that my need for approval would ensure they got their way were repeatedly disappointed.

When I was much younger and smaller, my older sister “dared” me to fit inside of a cardboard box that happened to be in our basement.  I climbed in to prove myself and was quickly duct-taped inside of this box, much to my sister’s enjoyment.  I whined to come out and thought I had the solution when I said “I can’t breathe, I need air!”  She responded by saying “get out of the way” (as though I had a choice) and jabbing a pen through the top of the box repeatedly to make air holes.  One line of this song is directly attributed to this experience.

After the loss of my Father, I also lost my home, my car and many friends.  Situations arose where, instead of showing support while my life fell apart, people I trusted began lashing out at me in every circumstance where I could not attend to their needs above my own.  Though frustrating to say the least, this was also a very revealing time where I learned just who my real support system was comprised of and how to ignore those who were not a part of it.  (I didn’t know you could do that!)

Evidently, this type of situation can be approached any way you want.

My eventual response was The “Let Me Be” Song:

ACOUSTIC

BAND

ELECTRIC

Get me off this ride, I’m done.

Done with defending who I really am.

Done with this zig-zag approach to healing; I’m done holding hands with those who only want to pull me in their own directions.

Let me be, let me be.  I am lost if I’m not free.

Get me out I cannot breathe.

Even with all these small holes you’ve cut out for me.

Not with all of your policies and procedures, I am not your machine; and you can’t program me to be just what you need.

Let me be, let me be – messed up as I want to be.  Can’t you see, I’m only really messed up when I’m not me.

I have tried and tried to live inside of your control – but there is nothing that I really need from you anymore.

Let me be, let me be…

Let me be, let me be…

Let me be, let me be… whatever I want to be.  Can’t you see I’m only in trouble when I’m not free; when I’m not me.

Without Chains

2010

We have woven ourselves together, you and I.

Just a little, at first. Our lives were twisting, turning;
changing at an unbelievable pace.
Though some of it was entirely out of our control,
we chose to let ourselves twist and circle around each other
while being pulled forward by some strange force.

Now we are entangled.

And as the directions of our lives become more harmonious,
the “pulling” sensation becomes increasingly strenuous.
We struggle to understand with bursts of terse tension;
ducking and weaving, contorting around each other to see
our true selves face to face.

It has not always been this way, for either of us.
We have not always been free… and the pressure can be deceiving as the knots we tie are tighter, thicker, stronger and more elaborate.

We wonder why we can’t release the tension without undoing everything…
though we could never let go, even if we wanted to.

But it is that very force that continues to weave us together.
Without our understanding how.
Without us figuring out every detail of the great love that connects us.
Without holding on or letting go.

All we need know is that bonds are not chains,
trust cannot be conjured or coerced…
and we have never been more free.

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