Tired Hands, Shaky Legs

Sept. 28/09

It’s the “getting up” part that I hate.

I’ve learned how to brace when falling hard on knees… by now I can do it with minimal scraping.  And while I’m down there, it certainly is easier.  Lighter.  As though there is nothing I can find to carry; no distractions or lies under the thick smoke-like cloud of fear.

… I inhale slowly until I can’t anymore.  Then relax and let my lungs do the rest…

“I can do this.”

I wait until the truth drops from wherever it was hiding; and swings wildly at me, meeting my head with the dull, unforgiving pain of a brick.

“Oh right, I forgot… I am everything I need to be.”

With tired hands I take a new grip.  With shaky legs I shift my weight back onto my own bones and rise.  Tired muscles ache and cramp in painful protest; yelling in their own language to just let go and fall harder.  Using every bit of energy I can muster I stand, then walk.  Step one.  Then another.  My head is lifted; perspective returns.

And as I move steadily toward the ever-increasing ‘Big Picture’, my legs fall into a deliberate stride matching that of the clock.  I breathe deeply now, glad to be alive and moving closer and closer to the truth as it dangles in front of me, shining like the sun.

~ by lindseywhitemusic on August 20, 2012.

One Response to “Tired Hands, Shaky Legs”

  1. Linds. I really need to put all these on a memory stick. I read them… And it’s always so appropriate. Xoxoxoxo

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