The “Let Me Be” Song

I began writing this song in my car.

I took a drive one day to reflect on and escape the frustration of the many people in my life who insisted I be someone other than myself.  It all started after I lost my Dad… when I no longer had time, energy or ability to worry about whose approval I had or did not.  Those who had anticipated or even expected that my need for approval would ensure they got their way were repeatedly disappointed.

When I was much younger and smaller, my older sister “dared” me to fit inside of a cardboard box that happened to be in our basement.  I climbed in to prove myself and was quickly duct-taped inside of this box, much to my sister’s enjoyment.  I whined to come out and thought I had the solution when I said “I can’t breathe, I need air!”  She responded by saying “get out of the way” (as though I had a choice) and jabbing a pen through the top of the box repeatedly to make air holes.  One line of this song is directly attributed to this experience.

After the loss of my Father, I also lost my home, my car and many friends.  Situations arose where, instead of showing support while my life fell apart, people I trusted began lashing out at me in every circumstance where I could not attend to their needs above my own.  Though frustrating to say the least, this was also a very revealing time where I learned just who my real support system was comprised of and how to ignore those who were not a part of it.  (I didn’t know you could do that!)

Evidently, this type of situation can be approached any way you want.

My eventual response was The “Let Me Be” Song:

ACOUSTIC

BAND

ELECTRIC

Get me off this ride, I’m done.

Done with defending who I really am.

Done with this zig-zag approach to healing; I’m done holding hands with those who only want to pull me in their own directions.

Let me be, let me be.  I am lost if I’m not free.

Get me out I cannot breathe.

Even with all these small holes you’ve cut out for me.

Not with all of your policies and procedures, I am not your machine; and you can’t program me to be just what you need.

Let me be, let me be – messed up as I want to be.  Can’t you see, I’m only really messed up when I’m not me.

I have tried and tried to live inside of your control – but there is nothing that I really need from you anymore.

Let me be, let me be…

Let me be, let me be…

Let me be, let me be… whatever I want to be.  Can’t you see I’m only in trouble when I’m not free; when I’m not me.

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~ by lindseywhitemusic on June 30, 2012.

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