Osirus

There was a boy who was being bullied during one of the music programs I’ve been involved in.  I explained that if the bully had a problem, then it didn’t have to be his problem too.  They both ended up running outside at one point and only the bully returned.  I’m still not sure if the other boy was beat up, but  when I went looking for him he was nowhere to be found.

When I initially asked his name, I couldn’t understand him properly… but it sounded something like “Osirus”.

While driving home in the rain, this little song wrote itself in my head.

Feb. 20/12

Osirus, it’s time to go home now…

The day has been hard and the world doesn’t like you anymore, or maybe somebody who felt the same way just had a worse day than you are.

Or maybe due to the rain in February nothing is as it should be.

Osirus, I want you to know: you’re not alone and you don’t have to be anymore.

…

Or maybe because of the rain in February, nothing is as it should be.

Osirus, it’s not your problem.  You’re not alone and you don’t have to be anymore.

Unfinished Song

Feb. 9/10

Maybe if I just keep moving I will stay alive

Love’s light burns bright within me.

Still as heavy darkness closes in

My own blood pools around me.

…

Gunned down one too many times

Getting stronger every time

Whatever is killing me – its time for it to die.

…

Maybe i should keep it to myself

It burns a hole right through me.

Let it never poison anyone else

but lock it up inside me.

…

Gunned down one too many times

Getting stronger every time

Whatever is killing me it’s out of time.

…

(I’ve got a feeling… wretched gut feeling

And it wears my “courage” like a disguise.

It keeps me from seeing…. that whatever I’m being

If it’s not the real me, then it’s a lie lie LIE.

Play, Sing & Write

Play, Sing & Write (WEB), a photo by Lindsey White Music on Flickr.

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Aligning

April 19/12

As straight as it is, it’s certainly not narrow.

And when viewed correctly, it’s actually not even straight either… just not crooked.  Just as it is.

…

Aligning is acceptance of this.

It is learning how to move while being neither crooked nor straight.

Tricky at first, but going with the flow

becomes easier the less you resist…

the more you let go.

How to Move

February 24/10

I’m not waiting for theology to catch up with me.

It is grounded, somewhere far off in the distance; whereas I am lost in space.

There is no direction in unfamiliar territory.

Disorientation is inevitable.

…

The only difference is that now, I am figuring out how to move.

I know who I am, and I know who is with me… but I am not grounded.

…

And the truth is everywhere.  I cling to it every time I find it.

And I am searching for it in all the wrong places, following it as far as it will go.

…

It’s a dangerous way to live, but it is the only way when the end of life is certain.

I may not know where I’m going yet, but I’m flying there as fast as I can.

Awake in the Dark

April 18/12

Don’t challenge my reality and I won’t have to re-evaluate my perception.

But save me from the perils of letting go and I’ll never learn how.

…

The darkness must settle in, and I must learn gratitude for what lies on the other side of it’s absence.

For I may well be on my dying bed,

and without knowing what I’ll dream

or where I’ll go when I am dead…

I can’t risk believing how things seem.

Floor

April 3/12

The floor is not the worst place to be; certainly not the lowest.

It is hard.

But it is level.

It is calm.

And it is protective in a way that my heart certainly isn’t.

It’s soft consistency would let anything that professed good intention through, which is why I can’t always let it decide for itself.

Some are too young to realize the implications of their actions,

to old to dismiss bitterness (or forget) for good reason,

too small to see what lays outside their line of vision,

or… too big to remember what lies beneath.

But my friend, the floor, remains the same: ever unforgiving, ever supportive and ever capable of carrying the weight of reality on it’s strong back.

The weight of my reality.

Of my strength and excess baggage,

as they leak out all over the floor.